Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Ten Things I Learned from Martial Arts Films

1. Respect homeless people-Every time you run into a homeless begger in a martial arts film he is undoubtedly a kung fu master and probably your future teacher.

2. Respect the clergy-Monks, nuns and priests are always able to render a serious ass-kicking.

3. Respect the disabled- Disabled people use their spare time to invent their own undefeatable brand of  kung fu that is specially designed to take advantage of their disability.

4. If you go into a restaurant you will always be challanged to a fight.(This just goes without saying)

5. Return your library books- Think of the number of  kung fu movies whose plot revolves around a book taken from  a monastic library.

6. It is okay to fight "two on one" if you are trying to defeat a really, really evil villian.-Somehow this just  doesn't seem fair.

7. Respect women- This is just good advice in general, but apparently women who look like members of the PRC gymnastics team are always capable of delivering a serious ass-kicking.

8. Don't trust the government-they are probably evil Qing overlords who will wipe out your entire family as soon as they get the chance.

9. Respect the elderly- the older someone is the more serious the ass-kicking that they can deliver.

10. If you are really bad at something at the beginning of a movie, it just means that you will be even better at it by the end of a movie.

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